The Naturalistic Fallacy through the Ages of Man

Late Miocene:

Alpha Orrorin: “How dare you? Walking upright in public? It isn’t natural. Grandfather spirit is grunting in anger. Do you not hear him? It is a slippery slope to perversions like looking at a mate face to face during sex!”


Priestess Lucy: “What do you think you’re doing? Running without using your hands? It isn’t natural. Grandmother spirit shuns you. Do you not hear her? It is a slippery slope to perversions like leaving the forest to live by the sea!”

Lower Paleolithic:

Boss Twiggy: “This is an abomination. Cooking food? Why would you want to ruin perfectly tasty meat and veggies? Cave Bear demands sacrifice. Didn’t you hear that growl? We aren’t meant to eat food with fire next you will be wanting to eat something that lives in the water!”

Middle Paleolithic:

Shaman Amud: “It is forbidden. Making drawings on wall? You steal soul from prey spirits and curse the hunt! It isn’t natural. If spirit animals were meant to be drawn on wall we would have hands that make paint!”

Upper Paleolithic:

Golden Child Lapedo: “It is a trick. Some sort of forbidden magic? I forbid the use of this tool which purports to make it easier to throw spears. What’s next if we allow this? Use a bendable stick with a string to fire small spears great distances? I forbid this.”


Priest Tepexpan: “It is against the way. We drop seeds and move on and come back years later. What kind of perversions would happen if we stayed in one spot all year long? It is against the gods and the ways of man. If we stayed in one spot someone would brew intoxicating drinks and everyone would just lay about and drink!”

Before Common Era:

Dairy Farmer Kujawy: “How dare you waste my milk? Letting it spoil like that. What you made new foods? Disgusting. You can keep your cheese and your yogurt. It isn’t natural they way the Beast God intended it.

Common Era:

Bible Thumper Westboro: “It is a sin. God hates f**s. Marriage is for man and a woman. What’s next? A man marrying a broom? Feminist lesbians having mass marriages? Bestiality? It isn’t natural and against the teachings of the Bible.”


Anti-GMO Activist and Greenpeace veteran Rainbow Moonshine: “It isn’t natural or organic. We shouldn’t eat gluten or frankenfood. GMO is poison and contaminates farm land and the people of Zambia are better off starving by the millions and those children in China deserve healthy blindness rather than poisonous golden rice. I mean duh?!? Eating metal mixed with rice is just insane. Soon we will be eating jellyfish dna in our chickens! So what if genetic modification increases yields and requires less use of pesticides it is still poison and it really wouldn’t surprise me if it caused HIV. Besides what’s next using radiation to induce mutations? It isn’t natural and against Gaia.